As A Guest on The Aware Parenting Podcast: Episode 96-Every Child is Unique

I feel so blessed and grateful to Marion Rose and Lael Stone for having me on The Aware Parenting Podcast to share my personal experiences about something I have so much passion for.

Here is the episode summary:

In this episode of The Aware Parenting Podcast. We talk with a guest, Steph Fleeton who is an Aware Parenting Instructor.

We asked Steph to join us after receiving messages recently asking about practicing Aware Parenting when a child has a diagnosis such as ADHD or Autism.

Steph has a long background in early childhood education and daycare and also has two sons, the eldest of whom has a diagnosis of ADHD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

In the podcast, Steph shared about her experience of practicing Aware Parenting with her son as well as with the children that come into her care. We felt so touched listening to Steph share about deeply connecting with each child and their uniqueness. Steph also shared about her journey of her son getting diagnosed and the impact the diagnosis has on how other adults are towards him.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE EPISODE. It can also be found on all major Podcasting apps.

COMMENTS FROM OTHERS:

• I listened to this episode 3 times and will probably listen to it again. Came exactly at the right time😍 thanks Steph for sharing your wisdom and @laelstone and @_marion_rose_ for the great questions / your beautiful vibe.

• This episode touched my heart❤️ Thank you 🌻

• It’s like you were reading my mind. I was wandering if you had an episode on this topic this week but hasn’t gotten around to searching 🙌

• Thank you so much for this. I have been wanting to request this myself. I’d love to see more episodes with people who have a deep knowledge of Autism.

If you have a child with a diagnosis, or suspect they may have, please know you are not alone.

Parenting is challenging enough, however, having a child with extra needs can leave us feeling powerless, overwhelmed, frustration and lost.

If you are feeling like you need extra support for yourself, please reach out. It is my passion to help all parents, especially those with children that are needing extra support themselves.

2022 Book List & Reviews

After the success of last year’s Book Reviews (click here to see the books from 2021), I will continue to review my books this year.

I read a range of books from novels to non-fiction books about education, homeschooling and child development, plus a whole lot more.

If you have any book recommendation, please pop a comment below.

JANUARY

The Resilience Project: Finding Happiness Through Gratitude, Empathy & Mindfulness by Hugh Van Cuylenburg – I liked how the author used his personal stories to show the positive impact gratitude, empathy and mindfulness have on your wellbeing. There was change, growth and personal evolution. Perseverance, determination and patience were also at the forefront of the journeys that Hugh took to bring The Resilience Project to the world. This book is crucial reading for everyone, and the fact it has made its way into schools also speaks highly of the impact these practices can have on children, and strengthening their mental and emotional wellbeing, particularly in today’s world.

Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney – a few years ago I read Sally’s previous book Normal People, so when her latest book came out, I did not hesitate to read it. Her writing style is very different to other novel writers. She does not used quotations when characters have dialogue, this is something that I adapted to fairly quickly, and I found once I got used to this, it didn’t impact the quality of the story. I did like how it followed the relationship between two separate couples, and those couple were also intertwined. However, the characters weren’t relatable to me. I found their actions similar to nails on a chalkboard. It’s not a book I would read again. However, I did read it in a couple of days, so it was easy to get through.

Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Dr Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate – this book has been on my reading list for a few years, and because of that I was able to get the revised edition published in 2019. This is a book I would definitely recommend to all parents, particularly those whose children go to school. There were a few sections I thought the book could have done without, as they didn’t have an impact on the overall message of the book, which is that children are more peer-oriented than ever, which has affected society as a whole. Children need to have safe adults in their life, who have the maturity to support, nurture and hold space for them, all things that cannot be adequately provided by their peers. This book is a wealth of knowledge, research and dedication to supporting the raising of health, well-adapted children.

Wonder Art Workshop by Sally Haughey – I first came across Sally’s work in the Play First Summit in 2020. I immediately resonated with her passion, dedication and views on early childhood education, especially when it comes to play and creativity. I ordered this book 18 months ago, and have flicked through it since then. However, this month I read it cover to cover, and I loved every page of it. So much of the information in here resonates with my philosophy and practices. Plus there are amazing suggestions for creating inviting art spaces for children.

FEBRUARY

Turning Down the Noise: The quiet power of silence in a busy world by Christine Jackman – a dear friend lent me this book, and I really enjoyed the author’s journey and the research she added to the book. For full disclosure, I am a naturally silent person and have always preferred to listen and observe. However, I found it interesting looking at silence from the perspective of people who are constantly busy and on the go. I’ve never seen silence as something that is passive, rather I have always experienced it as an active and alert state. It was nice to have that confirmed through the research presented in this book. This is a book I would recommend for those that struggle to find the silence in an overwhelmingly busy and noisy world.

Violeta by Isabel Allende – this is the first book of Isabel’s I have ever read, even though I have been aware she is a bestselling author. I really enjoyed this book. It is a narration of the main characters life to someone she holds dear. Spanning 100 years, with so much history, turmoil, grief and loss. There is also love, joy and compassion. I really spent time reading this novel, as I loved the richness and the perspectives from another area of the world (South America) through major world events over the last century. A perfect book to escape into the past.

The Heartbeat of Trees: Embracing Our Ancient Bond with Forests and Nature by Peter Wohlleben – I wanted so much more from this book. I have read Peter’s first bestselling book, and loved it. My son also spent time reading the children’s version to learn more about trees. However, this book just fell short for me. There was too much focus on political agendas, which I found myself skim reading. I was hoping to read more about the beautiful energy and symphony of trees, and this book did not provide that.

The Girl from Munich and the sequel Suitcase of Dreams by Tania Blanchard – these books had so much similarity to the stories my own grandparents told me. I started reading the first book, and at the very end was the first chapter of the sequel, which I just had to read, so I purchased it on my Kindle. I loved both these books, even though they were heartbreaking, and full of grief and loss. They also demonstrated the fragility of life, and the gratitude that leads to a fuller life. As I read these books, I drew many parallels to what it would have been like for my German grandparents in WWII and when they immigrated to Australia in the 1950s. These novels are based on the true stories of her own German grandparents. If you love historical fiction, WWI era or Australian history from the 1950s to 1970s, then these books may interest you. The author also did extensive research into national and world events to ensure as much accuracy as possible.

MARCH

Untamed: Stop Pleasing, Start Living by Glennon Doyle – I first came across Glennon years ago when I read her first 2 books. It’s not often you come across people who authentically and genuinely share their vulnerabilities with world. In a world of social media, where people only post the ideal aspects of their life, it is refreshing to witness people willing to stand in their vulnerability with courage. It gives others permission to do the same, it allows others to not only share their own vulnerabilities, but also face them on an inner work level. Society has taught us to feel ashamed if we don’t meet the “norm.” I would recommend this book to anyone who is craving realness in a world filled with too much fakeness.

Wild Power: Discover the Magic of Your Menstrual Cycle and Awaken the Feminine Path to Power by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer – this book was recommended to me by another dear friend. There seems to be a stigma and taboo about woman’s cycle, and thankfully, it is slowly disappearing. This book is filled with knowledge and wisdom, and gives greater awareness and depth to a woman’s cycle. The book has personal accounts and experiences, knowledge, and practices that can be used to develop a deeper understanding of yourself, as a woman.

The Women Who Change the World edited by Peace Mitchell and Katy Garner – I first heard about this book from a dear mentor and friend of mine, who also happens to have a chapter in this book. This book is filled with so much truth, compassion, challenges and rawness. With over 30 stories from women who are willing to step into the world with a conviction of being of pure service to others, this book is empowering, encouraging and inspiring. I would definitely read it again and again. Each story had a message that resonated with me, and I’m sure if you read it, you will find gems of wisdom throughout the book that resonate with you.

APRIL

Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah – this is probably one of the best novels I’ve read in a while. I loved how this novel explored generational trauma, bonds between mother and child and how parental trauma can affect the sibling relationship. Each character has a richness and realness, there is the full breadth of emotions present in this book, which is a true reflection of the human experience. The characters also demonstrate the various ways we tend to process trauma in unhealthy ways; running away, control/perfectionism, shutting others out. The characters do evolve, grow and learn, especially when the parent steps into the shadows to face their trauma and begin to process it in healthy ways.

It's OK to GO UP the SLIDE: Renegade Rules for Raising Confident and Creative Kids by Heather Schumaker – I read Heather’s first book last year (It’s OK Not to Share) and I loved it, just as I loved her second book. There is a growing movement of educators, teachers and parents questioning the current education system, and for good reason; at present it is failing our children. This book has personal accounts, current research and is presented in an easily accessible and readable manner. I loved all the sections on why homework is detrimental not only to a child’s overall wellbeing, but also to their academics; about why we need to re-evaluate “don’t talk to strangers;” and why we shouldn’t sugar-coat or re-write stories, plus so much more. I would highly recommend this book to all parents and adults who work with children.

Vitamin N: The Essential Guide to a Nature-Rich Life by Richard Louv. I’ve read two of Richard’s other books and enjoyed how he used personal accounts and research to demonstrate how far-removed humans have become from nature, and in order to improve our overall wellbeing, we need to get back outside and encourage our kids to do the same. This book has 500 ways to get back out in nature, most of the content and resources are targeted towards the UK and US, however, the ideas and activities can be easily done no matter where you live in the world. This is one of those books every adult needs to read, because our connection to the natural world around us is paramount to who we are, how we show up and our sense of belonging.

MAY

The Dreaming Path by Paul Callaghan with Uncle Paul Gordon – this book grabbed my attention as soon as I saw it. I have always had a deep love and resonance to Aboriginal culture, spirituality and way of life. This book had so much knowledge and wisdom; personal stories and accounts; and practical exercises to put the wisdom into practice in your own life. It is set out in beautiful, easy-to-read chapters, such as “Caring for Our Place (The Importance of Story),” “Love, Gratitiude and Humility,” “Learning and Truth,” plus several more equally inspiring chapters. This is book I would highly recommend for everyone to read. Aboriginal people and their culture have been here for over 60,000 and they have so much to share with us so we can live our fullest lives, and care for our country.

The Secret Keep of Jaipur by Alka Joshi – this book was lent to be by my Mum. She said it was a novel she really enjoyed. It is the second book, with the first being The Henna Artist, which I have not read. That didn’t affect the story though for me. I was able to easily understand the storyline, characters and their past was touched on throughout the novel. Overall, I enjoyed it, it was different to other novels I have read, set in India in the 1960s and split between two different locations – city and country.

The Women’s Circle by Karyn Sepulveda – I discovered this book while perusing Booktopia and thought it sounded like an interesting light read. There is trauma and all the big feelings in this book. It shows us how our trauma can affect our present and future, however, we can heal and move through those events, especially when we surround ourselves with supportive and nurturing people. There is a lot of character growth in this story, which I always like. It is a historical fiction and goes back and forth between present day Sydney, Australia and 1770 England. I loved this book and would recommend it as a heartfelt and touching novel.

The Natural History of Love by Caroline Petit – this is another historical fiction book based on the lives of real people in the mid 1800s – early 1900s. The story starts in Brazil, moves to France and ends in Australia, so there is a variety of different cultures and languages presented in the book. The main characters do have depth, there is trauma, betrayal, sacrifice, as well as love, hope and compassion. It is not a book I would read again, at the same time, I would recommend it to readers who feel called to read it, and enjoyed The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams (a book I reviewed last year).

JUNE

Toxic Positivity by Whitney Goodman – I really liked the first half of this book, and I completely agree with the authors definition of toxic positivity. It is the very opposite of validation, acknowledgment, empathy and compassion. We’ve all had those well meaning people who say “but at least….” Or “life will never give you more than you can handle…” or “you really need to just be grateful…” all of these responses are not only unhelpful, they can also be so harmful. Can you imagine saying that to someone who just lost someone they care about, or a mother who experienced a pregnancy loss? Positivity can be so toxic, it can be so invalidating, essentially it is gaslighting someone else’s feelings and experiences. Ina world so caught up in “positivity” we are losing our humanity, our ability to feel deeply, grieve deeply, rage deeply. All emotions are valid, all emotions have a place in this world, even the dark and painful ones. There were some things towards the end of this books I did disagree with because it conflicts with my views, values and knowledge of the world. However, overall I would definitely say this is a must read book for everyone.

The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood – sometimes I just feel like reading a soppy romance novel. I actually really enjoyed this one because it was set in the academic world, which was refreshing. The storyline goes full circle and there are surprises, touching and heartfelt moments, which were really beautiful, as well as humour that just hit the right spot. I would recommend this as a light, easy and funny read.

Return to Berlin by Ellen Feldman – many WWII historical fiction novels are set pre- war and during the war. This novel was different, it was set in the aftermath of the war in Berlin and centred around the denazification program. It really delved into the ramifications of the war, how people were coming to terms with what had happened on both sides too. Whether it be from the Allied and Jewish experience, or the Germans who believed everything Hitler told them, and they had to readapt to those false idealisations. If you like this genre, this book gives insight into post-WWII Germany and how the characters needs to grapple with what happened to them.

The German Wife by Kelly Rimmer – much life the above novel, this novel spent half of the book in post-WWII America, and the German rocket scientists who were employed by the American government to further their space program. There is so much mistrust, judgement and hostility. However, at the end many of the characters realise it is never black and white, and until you know someone’s story, you cannot judge them for what a few did. This novel is heartbreaking, unrelenting and shows the true horror of war from both sides.

JULY

Call of the Wild: How We Can Heal Trauma, Awaken Our Own Power, and Use it for Good by Kimberly Ann Johnson – I have spent much of my time researching trauma, trauma-informed practices and the nervous system all through my degrees and qualifications, as well as in my own time. This book is a combination of other research I have read on polyvagal theory and somatic experiencing. It explores understanding the feminine nervous system, while offering practical and understandable wisdom to implement in our own lives. We are a culture in trauma, I see it often with the families that come to me. This book offers understanding, knowledge and ways to heal from trauma. I highly recommend.

Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn – so this book would have to be the best book I have read this year. It has been sitting on my bookshelf for 8 years, since I read one of Kohn’s other books Unconditional Parenting (amazing book!) During my psychology degree I was required to research behaviourism – the very theory that punishments, rewards, parenting and the education system has been built on, and a foundation I am so willing to see disappear entirely. Behaviourism is built on the research done on rats, pigeons and Pavlov’s dog…we are humans, and most, I would personally say ALL of behaviourism is extremely detrimental to humans on all levels, especially children. Behaviourism does not acknowledge emotions, trauma, or stress. Instead, it seeks to override all of our body’s biological natural healing mechanisms and force us into compliance and obedience. This would be my most highly recommended book for parents, educators and teachers. I know many who have already made the needed changes within their homes, childcare services and schools, and thrown our punishments and rewards, we need to make this more widespread and see the whole human, beyond the behaviour.

Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work by Akilah S. Richards – this is an amazing book for any parent who wants to know more about de-schooling, unschooling and following your families’ and child’s needs and interests in the learning journey. It is a concise book, yet there is a beautiful journey of the author’s own thoughts, feelings and beliefs as she navigates her own expectations and assumptions of what education needs to look like at the beginning of her parenting journey. She shares her own mistakes and challenges, as well as offers knowledge and wisdom.

Book Lovers by Emily Henry – so I will admit, the title of this book got me. This was a very easy-to-read, quick and light romance novel. It follows two characters in the book publishing industry, there is a small town, twists and turns, and lots of books. I read this book in a couple of hours, and those hours were spent laughing and being hooked by the storyline and characters. I liked how the characters had depth, their past was explored and they grew throughout the novel.

AUGUST

Healing Your Traumatized Child: A parent’s guide to children’s natural recovery processes by Aletha J. Solter Ph.D – as you may know I am a certified Aware Parenting Instructor (under the Aware Parenting Institute as founded by Aletha Solter) and I have been practicing AwP since my eldest child was born. This is without a doubt my favourite of all of Aletha’s books. Child development and trauma has always been a passion of mine, especially during my psychology degree. This book cover identifying trauma symptoms in your child, facilitating the body’s innate healing mechanism, using therapeutic play, understanding why crying is beneficial and so much more. I honestly cannot recommend this book enough. It is a MUST read for every single parent, educator and teacher.

The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be brilliant in your role, even when the world overwhelms you by Elaine N. Aron Ph.D – I have read Elaine’s previous books (The Highly Sensitive Person and The Highly Sensitive Child) by of which I have recommended to parents who have Highly Sensitive Children. I really wanted to enjoy this book, at the same time I really did not. I love how Elaine has brought high sensitivity to the forefront of psychology, and demonstrated that the 20% of people that are highly sensitive are crucial for the survival of humanity, and there is nothing wrong with them. I love reading the research on this topic, as I myself am highly sensitive. However, I do not agree with her strategies for highly sensitive people. I believe there needs to be a further evolution of this research, which involves incorporating the body’s natural healing mechanisms in processing a world that can be overstimulating for those with high sensitivity.

The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart by Holly Ringland – I absolutely loved this novel. It had so many of my favourite elements; nature, the Australian bushland, the entire spectrum of human emotions, trauma, healing, heartbreak, love, forgiveness. I loved how the secret meaning of native flowers were used throughout the novel, and how each chapter set the tone by commencing with a flower and its meaning. This might be one of my favourite novels I have read this year.

Letters from Berlin by Tania Blanchard – this is the third book I have read by this author, and the other two are also WWII historical fiction novels. I love the way this author writes, the journey and character development, as well as the way she expresses all the big feelings that are occurring during this traumatic time. There is betrayal, manipulation, and the horrors that come from war. However, there is also love, loyalty, compassion and a bittersweet ending.

Thursdays at Orange Blossom House by Sophie Green – this was a lovely, light and easy read. Although there were periods of loss, grief and sadness, I loved the character development, relationships and women helping each other through trying periods in their lives. I also really enjoyed how each of the characters were at a different life stage, and demonstrated the power of a village of varying ages and wisdom.

SEPTEMBER

Raising Critical Thinkers: A Parent’s Guide to Growing Wise Kids in the Digital Age by Julie Bogart – this book is filled with so much information, knowledge and practical activities to enhance critical thinking for all ages. Julie discusses how our own worldviews and biases effect how we receive and process information, and the importance of taking a step back before jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. It is the perfect balance of research and personal experiences. I highly recommend not just for parents, but also educators.

Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past by Peter A. Levine PhD – I absolutely love reading and researching about trauma, child development and neuroscience. I find it all so fascinating, and I loved this book. I greatly valued all the research and studies evident, as well as the personal stories presented throughout the book. I made many, many notes and highlights. Peter’s work in Somatic Experiencing and trauma is ground-breaking, and for anyone interested in trauma and memory, this is a book I would definitely suggest.

The Victory Garden by Rhys Bowen – set in England during WWI there are many sad, heartbreaking and bittersweet moments. While war was happening, this book centred around the power of women, of sisterhood, and of helping each other in trying times. There are also a few mysteries happening as the story progresses, and twists and turns along the way.  

Echoes of War by Tania Blanchard – my Mum purchased this book for herself, and knowing that I read quickly, she lent it to me first. I devoured this book in one afternoon. It is a historical fiction WWII novel set in Italy, a country that I have not read too many books about. I will admit, I cried several times in the hours it took me to journey through this incredibly heartbreaking story. This is a book I would read again.

FINAL REVIEW OF 2022

I spent the last few months of the year immersed in various professional development courses and content, so I did not read as many reviewable books as I did in previous months. Over this year I rear 62 books, and reviewed 40 of those. The books I didn’t review were the throw away novels one tends to read once only for a relaxing read, and there isn’t any impression left afterwards.

The novel that I loved the most this year would have to be The Seven Skins of Esther Wildling (review below), closely followed by Holly Ringland’s previous book The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart (reviewed in August). Holly is one of those rare authors that can really bring characters, scenes and the full range of human emotions to life, in such a beautiful, bittersweet and enchanting way.

The non-fiction book I loved the most Raising Resilient & Compassionate Children by Lael Stone & Marion Rose (PhD), which will be reviewed in a separate article on the most powerful books on our parenting journeys.

The Wonder of Little Things by Vince Copley with Lea McInerney – this is an autobiography, compiled with the help of Lea. I loved the stories of this book, and even though I never heard the storyteller’s voice, I could just hear him as I read his words on the page. Vince’s story is a long one, spanning most of the 20th century in Australia, an Aboriginal man with so much compassion, insight and knowledge that he shared throughout his entire life. This is a touching story, filled with heartbreak, dedication and grace.

The Wild + Free Family by Ainsley Arment – this is the second book I’ve read of Ainsley’s and I love how family-centred and natural learning oriented her approach to life and learning is. Ainsley includes the scientific research on brain development, personal stories of raising her five children following a natural learning approach to homeschooling and all the many ways we can connect with our children in the most meaningful way. This is a book I would recommend to any parents that are homeschooling their child/ren.

Our Missing Hearts by Celeste Ng – this was such an interesting story, and one that is different from all the others I have read. This is a story of discrimination, civilisation turning a blind eye to injustice and the people that are willing to stand up and risk it all for a better world. A story of tragedy, loss, grief, uncertainty, fear, determination and love. I do love stories of defiance, because that is one of my lesser known qualities, and this is a book that is very readable, that leaves you deep in thought about possibilities and the choices that we make.

The Seven Skins of Esther Wilding by Holly Ringland – my absolute favourite novel of 2022 (maybe of all time??). Gosh, where to start. This is the most beautiful and magically woven story I have ever read. This is one of those books that once you start reading, you will not want to put down. Filled with grief, loss, sisterhood, family and forgiveness. The imagery, character development and unfolding of events is rich and eloquent. Towards the end, I was crying, as the journey came full circle, the bittersweet ending of one journey alongside the joy of what is to come. Highly recommend if you enjoyed The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart, The Dictionary of Lost Words or are just after a novel that hits you in all the feels.

How to Choose the Best Daycare & Help Your Child With Separation Anxiety

Are you having trouble deciding which daycare would best suit your child and family?

Are you concerned or are you struggling with how to help your child with separation anxiety?

I sat down with Helena Mooney from Parenting With Play and chatted about the answers to these questions plus so much more.

You can find the episode on your Podcast app by searching for “Parenting With Play” or you can click HERE and listen through Helena’s website.

This podcast is one of my favourites and I’m sure you will find so much wisdom in all the other episodes as well.

Happy listening.

Love & Gratitude,

Steph xx

Homeschooling: How I Follow My Children’s Interests

When people find out I homeschool my children, I am met with a few questions. The most common are: How do you do it? Is it hard to get your child to do the work? So, in this article I will share with you how I do it, and I will tell you straight up, no I don’t find it hard at all…because I follow my children’s interests (if I didn’t, I can assure you it would be a very steep uphill battle).

I first decided to homeschool my children before they were even born. I have hundreds of reasons why I made that decision, but that is for a future article. For now, I will say that a big part of the reason was because I wanted what they learnt, to be relevant to them as individuals.

My own experiences of the education system were of a blanket approach, where you had to do what the teacher said, when the teacher said it, and only in a certain way. There was no opportunity for creativity, innovation or outside-the-box thinking. Essentially the current education system squashes your dreams and passions as an individual. Maybe this is why so many kids skip school (I know I definitely skipped school when it didn’t meet my interests).

For my own children, I want them to feel like their own individual interests and passions matter. That these interests are important enough to investigate – and on a much deeper level than you will find at any school. I want them to have a MEANINGFUL education, where they develop a natural and intrinsic motivation and love of learning.

The first thing I did was to read (if you haven’t gathered by my social media posts or previous articles, to say I LOVE reading is an understatement). Some of the books I found particularly helpful in deciding what would work best for my children are:

-       Free to Learn by Peter Gray

-       Home Grown by Ben Hewitt

-       Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto

-       The Call of the Wild + Free by Ainsley Arment

-       The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart

-       Teach Your Own by John Holt & Pat Farenga

-       Balanced and Barefoot by Angela Hanscom

-       How to Raise a Wild Child by Scott D Sampson

There are actually many more books I could add to this list, but I want to focus on the point of this article and not make this into a book list. However, you can see that I do, do a lot of research. I am a researcher, and from that research I make informed decisions that work best for my family. Which is something important to remember. As you read this, what works for my family, may not work for yours. So, take what you need from my own personal experience and leave the rest here.

From all this research, I concluded that an unschooling/natural learning approach would be what suited us best. With this in mind, I then looked up the registration requirements, and joined several Facebook groups for some support.

Basically, for Queenslanders we need to submit a Plan of how we will facilitate our child’s education for the year to come, as well as a Report which reflects on the year that has been as well as showing some Work Samples from English, Maths and one other subject of choice.

For this article, I will just focus on the Plan. To date, I have submitted two Plans to the Home Education Unit, both were approved straight away. One of the most important things for me as a Homeschooling Parent (although to be honest I prefer the term, Natural Learning Parent – because that’s more in alignment to the way we do things, you won’t find a “school at home” in my house) is that my children are involved in the Planning process. What works for us now, is that my 8-year-old son chooses 4 topics he wants to investigate and explore deeply over the coming year. Then I spend time researching different resources and opportunities I can provide for him to investigate these topics. I spread these over every subject of the Australian Curriculum (i.e. English, Maths, Science, HAAS, Languages, etc).

To give you an example, the first topic we looked at this year was Australian Birds. Now I don’t know about you, but when I learnt about Australian Birds at school, it was in a classroom, seated at a desk, with a text book. Boring. Irrelevant. No basis for the real world. That was my takeaway as a 9-year-old, sitting in my third-grade class.

For my son, he is a hands-on and visual learner. He learns best through seeing and doing. It’s crucial that you know the way your child learns. It’s no use giving them a podcast to listen to, if their auditory processing system is their weakest, you’re just setting them up to fail. So, with all this in mind, my goal was to make it FUN. That’s right, I said the word “fun” as the main goal for my homeschooling plan. Because quite frankly, “if it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right” (wise words by Teacher Tom).

My son kept a bird watching journal, we went on regular bushwalks and hikes, he wrote down his observations, we read Aboriginal Stories about Australian Birds, we collected fallen feathers to identify which bird they came from, we explored weight and gravity using those same feathers, we did Maths equations and graphs based on the data we collected in the bird watching journal and we painted birds. My son now has quite the in-depth knowledge of Australian Birds, and he learnt it all in the real world, in our local community. To him it was interesting, meaningful and relevant to his life. He also covered English through reading, comprehending, writing and spelling; Maths through graphs, equations, predictions and measurements; and I could write what he learnt from every subject, but you get the gist. It was a holistic approach to his investigation.

Throughout this entire time, he kept his intrinsic motivation. There was no force or coercion necessary, because he was learning about something he chose. His entire homeschooling plan is interest-driven. That’s an important distinction to make with natural learning and mainstream schooling; very rarely are children given the opportunity to choose what they want to learn. We also spend A LOT of time outside, even doing bookwork type activities outdoors. The studies are conclusive: children NEED nature. I highly recommend reading Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv where he discusses “nature-deficit disorder” and how it’s running rampant in our world because children are forced inside classrooms for most of the day, five days a week.

At this point in time, we are up to our third topic for the year, which just like the first half of this year, and all of last year, my son chose. I know homeschooling isn’t for everyone, and if you can’t homeschool for whatever reason, perhaps you can make time for your child to choose something to investigate at home. Follow your child’s current passion. It works best if you are right there alongside them, learning as well. Relationships and connection form the foundation for the best educations. So, get out your curiosity and inquisitiveness. I can tell you without a sliver of a doubt, that you will learn so much more too – more than you ever learnt during your own time at school. Plus, the relationship with your child will skyrocket and strengthen. It’s a win-win.

Let me know in the comments ways you meet your child’s interests, or ways you plan to.

Love & Gratitude,

Steph xx

Children Learn At Their Own Rate & In Their Own Time

Children learn at their own rate, and in their own time. Seems pretty self-explanatory, doesn’t it? Yet, the current education system seems to have misplaced the memo. I’m not just talking about the formal school years either, this issue starts from daycare and preschool. With the pressure for “school-readiness.” As if daycare/preschool is more of a bootcamp, instead of a place where children can spend the most important years of their development in a place of presence, support and nurturing, filled with play.

Let me tell you a personal story involving my own children. My eldest son didn’t start talking until he was 2 years old. He also wasn’t formally taught to read, until he spent a brief stint of 2 terms at a state school. However, when he was ready, and when he was learning things in his own way and time, his learning skyrocketed. He went from not being able to read, to reading 100+ page chapter books targeted at children at least 2 years older than him. He went from only being able to write capital letters, to writing stories with correct grammar and punctuation. He went from simple maths, to understanding algebra and multiplication within a very short space of time. Is he a genius? Honestly, I have no idea what the benchmark for being classed as a genius is. What I do know, and what I contribute his understanding to, is this:

Learning about WHAT he is interested in, WHEN he is interested in and HOW he wants to express that learning.

For example, at the beginning of the year we did a 10-week investigation on Australian Birds. He went bird watching and kept a journal, collected feathers and other nature items to create artworks, read many fiction and non-fiction books on Australian birds, wrote stories using birds as the characters and did maths equations based on the information he collected in his birdwatching journal. I want to add, that my son chose this unit of study. He wanted to know all about Australian birds, and use real life situations to do that learning. Instead of just reading about birds in books, he went out into the world. He found them, he identified them, he observed them, and as a result his knowledge of them grew in a real, fundamental and concrete way.

Now to contrast this story with my younger son. He wasn’t delayed in his talking. In fact, he could very clearly and accurately say words like “asparagus” and “vacuum cleaner” at 10 months old. At his current age of 4, he taught himself all addition equations up to 10, he can count with no errors to 50, he can write his own name and he can recognise most of the upper and lowercase letters of the alphabet. Did I intentionally teach him any of this? No, no I did not. Am I shocked that he can do all of this at 4 years old? Yes, my answer is yes. To spell his name, he observed it on name labels, then he used chalk, lines in the sand, pencils, lots of trial and error, until eventually he has been able to write his own name…neatly and accurately for the past several months.

My point in telling you these 2 stories, is that children really do learn at their own rate and in their own time. For many things, children don’t need formal learning. They need supportive, understanding and considerate adults to help them along the way when they stumble, struggle and occasionally fall. But they don’t need us to sit next to them, telling them exactly how to do things, or give them worksheets or alphabets to trace. Each child has their own strengths and weaknesses. Some children pick up maths really quickly but struggle with physical activities like coordination. Other children learn to read and write really quickly, but find it challenging to hold a musical tune. Does this mean they are failures? Nope, nope and nope. This means they are human. They will naturally gravitate towards those areas of learning that resonate with them and that they tend to excel at.

When my eldest son spent those few months at school, he struggled. He became anxious, perfectionistic and stressed because of the pressure he was placed under by the school to meet certain standards at certain times. Now I will tell you truthfully, I LOVE paperwork, like I get enjoyment in filling out forms and answering questionnaires (yes, I may be weird but I did love my admin jobs in my previous employment lives). However, the worksheets my son was given, well it was boring as batshit quite frankly. Not only was he doing copious amounts of worksheets at school (I knew because I would go in every week to help his class with literacy groups), but he was also given them as homework…at age 5! I wasn’t given homework until high school. These are actually some of the reasons I pulled my son out of school, and we started our natural learning (some call unschooling) journey. He has gone back to loving learning about new things. I know how he learns, so we do a lot of hands-on, real life experience learning. I also know he is learning a lot, because every time one of my Family Day Care families walks through the gate, he is immediately telling them all these wonderful and insightful facts and information. He is demonstrating his ability to retain and comprehend what he is learning, not just memorising and regurgitating it at will for a test.

My final thoughts for this, is that teachers are not to blame for this. I know that the teachers at my son’s school were amazing. They often told me they didn’t like how the Australian Curriculum seemed to be moving to younger and younger years of age, so that Year One level is now actually taught in preschool. They are struggling too. The problem stems from the very top of the education system, where the curriculum and testing comes from. From the people who have no idea about child development, no idea about the increase in mental health problems among children and who perhaps had traumatic childhoods they have not healed from or they have forgotten the magic of childhood play. Either way, the entire system needs an overhaul by professionals who are lovingly invested in the best interests of the children, and who have the neuroscience and knowledge to understand how the developing brain works.

What are your thoughts on the education system? Are you children thriving or struggling? If there are things you could change about your child’s schooling, what would it be?

Leave you comment below.

Thanks for reading, and until next time…

Much gratitude,

Steph

Recommended Reading:

Cooperative and Connected - Aletha Solter

Dumbing Us Down - John Taylor Gatto

How Children Learn - John Holt

Free to Learn - Peter Gray