2021 Book List & Reviews

Saying “I love books” is quite possibly an understatement for me. I have been a “bookworm” since I could read at the age of 4 years old. However, one thing I have never done, is shared publicly what I’m reading, and my thoughts/feelings on what I have read. Which is how this article has come about.

This blog post will be updated monthly, with all the books I read in that month, as well as a brief summary of what I thought about each book.

If you’ve read any inspiring, funny, quirky or page-turning books, please feel free to comment the title and author below.

Happy reading!

JANUARY

It’s OK NOT to Share… by Heather Schumaker - this book was on my list for a few years, and it was the first book I read in 2021. I made a lot of highlights (pencil underlies) throughout the book. I resonated with most of what the author shared, with many ideas being renegade (something that is definitely needed in education and parenting).

Fire Country by Victor Steffensen - as with “Dark Emu” by Bruce Pascoe, I believe that this is also a book that every single Australian needs to read. It needs to be explored at schools. Governments and politicians need to get off their high horses and listen to Aboriginal knowledge of this Country.

Teacher Tom’s Second Book by Tom Hobson - I love Teacher Tom, as his second books was just as valuable as his first. This is a book I not only highly recommend for Educators, but for parents as well. There a invaluable nuggets of wisdom spread throughout.

Early Childhood and Neuroscience by Mine Conkbayir - this is a short book of only 136 pages, but every page has crucial knowledge that can help better early childhood education. My background is in psychology, counselling and early childhood education, so I love seeing the neuroscience link to child development. Unfortunately, there is a gap in early childhood education, a gap that can be filled by learning more about psychology and neuroscience. This book is a great start for Educators wanting to learn more.

FEBRUARY

Wild Child by Patrick Barkham - I liked the premise of this book about connecting children with nature. It is set in England, where the author and his family live. It was interesting to read about their journey through the different seasons, which vary greatly to the Australian climate. I also enjoyed reading about the British forest school the author sent his children to. No matter where you are in the world, if you are interested in your children or even yourself, having a deeper connection with nature and the holistic benefits that produces, this is a book I would recommend.

Song of the Crocodile by Nardi Simpson - this is a historical fiction novel that spans a few generations following the tension and race relations of an Aboriginal family. It is heart-wrenching, sad and gives insight into how First Nation people were disgustingly treated by settlers. This book was a page turner, and I did read it in a day. It is powerful and thought-provoking and a novel I would highly recommend.

Let Them Play - An Early Learning (Un)curriculum by Jeff A. Johnson & Denita Dinger - I LOVED this book, mainly because I resonated with most of what was written in the book. I love following children’s interest and seeing where each day takes us, as opposed to having this set scheduled plan that is inauthentic and lacks meaning to everyone involved. For the early childhood educators out there, who feel stifled and over all the planning, this book offer many practical tips, as well as personal stories from the authors who are home daycare educators in the US.

MARCH

Animals Make Us Human edited by Leah Kaminsky & Meg Keneally – I really loved this book, which is a compilation of short animal experiences that changed the lives of different authors and scientists. It re-awakened my love of the animal world, and I memories of wanting to be a marine biologist or wildlife vet for most of my childhood. It is filled with beautiful photographs and is part of a fundraiser for Aussie wildlife.

Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv – I made a lot of underlines in this book. There was science, personal accounts and a lot of research which had gone into writing this. Our children are really struggling in today’s society, due mainly to a large shift in lifestyle. The author clearly, and beautifully redirects us back to our own nature-filled childhoods, as the solution.

Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto – this book came to my attention years ago, but I’ve only just gotten around the purchasing and reading it. It was first published nearly 30 years ago, and I believe essential now more than ever to the current education system. Gatto was a teacher for over 30 years before writing this book, and won many teaching accolades. His words are firsthand accounts of how schooling is not the same as educating, why things must change the sake of our children, and some suggestions into how. It’s a small book, that packs a powerful punch.

The Last Bookshop by Emma Young – my novel for the month, and I devoured it in a day. Set in Perth Australia and centring around a young woman who owns the last bookshop, and last independent small business on Perth’s main strip, as she fights to keep her bookshop. There is romance, heartbreak, loss and difficult decisions. I always shed tears when inspiring and compassionate acts occur, and this book has the sweetest section that brought some tears. A definite one to add to your list whether you’re a bookworm or not.

APRIL

Play by Stuart Brow MD with Christopher Vaughan - I really enjoyed this book (yes, I know I’ve said that about pretty much every book I’ve read this year, but it’s true). In a world where play has taken a backseat, and deemed as unimportant, it is crucial, now more than ever to listen to the research of the extensive benefits of play. This books discusses play in childhood, but also how significant play is to life satisfaction and happiness in adulthood. It outlines the different types of play personalities and gives the research to back of why play is the missing link in most of our lives. I read this as and Educator and parent, however, I believe everyone will benefit from reading this.

Beautiful Failures by Lucy Clark - this book focuses on the Australian education system, but does refer to the various education systems around the world. I believe this book is so crucial to all parents. Extensive research and hard work went into this book. The school system is so focused on academics and intelligence that anxiety and depression, and suicide are running rampant through our school. As parents and teachers we do have the power to make changes, and it all starts with a conversation.

The Paris Library by Janet Skeslien Charles - so a little known fact about me, is that I love reading novels set during WWII. It may be because my grandfather was forced into the last year of the war, and held prisoner for 3 years, and my grandmother had to the roof of her childhood house blown off. I guess it’s a way to understand what they went through. This novel is based on a true story, detailing the American library in Paris and the brave staff who made sure that everyone still had access to books during these dark times. At 420 pages, I read this book in a day, which should give you an idea about how I felt about it.

Truth-Telling by Henry Reynolds - this book is written by a renowned and well-respected historian. He sheds a lot of light into the history of the Australia most want to forget. However, since I was 8 year old, it’s the history I’ve always wanted to read; the truth. No matter how gruesome, horrendous and heartbreaking, this is the true history of Australia and a book that needs to be embedded into the Australian curriculum. Ignorance is prolonging issues that started over 200 years ago. We say “Lest we Forget” for our white soldiers on ANZAC Day. How about we include that to include the thousands of men, women and children who lost their lives during the Frontier Wars of Australia, defending their home, their land and their sovereignty against a foreign invader, who went against international law and treaty.

MAY

Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism by Dr Barry M. Prizant - I love strength-based approaches, and this book definitely has that. In a world filled with labels, stigmas and stereotypes - most of them negative - this book was wonderful at shining the strengths of autism through all the muck of society. I remember when I first started my Family Day Care almost 7 years ago, and one of the first children in my care was a 5 year old boy with ASD. His Mum asked me if that would be a problem, and I replied “why would it be a problem?” I felt sad that she felt the need to justify her son. I saw a boy with a beautiful heart, curious nature and a sense of defiance that demonstrated he marched to the beat of his own drum - a quality I share myself and love seeing in those around me. I highly recommend this book to parents and educators because it’s high time we start seeing the whole of each and every individual child for the unique and beautiful beings that they already are.

The White Girl by Tony Birch - this book has been on my reading list for a year, and when my beautiful Mum sent me her copy to borrow in the mail, I dove right in. In fact, I read this book in a couple of hours. It’s a page-turner and draws you in from the very first page. Like other novels I’ve read centering around the horrific history of Aboriginal Australia, this one was no different. Filled with the atrocities committed by white “authority figures” during the Stolen Generations, you see the strength, perseverance and determination of an Aboriginal grandmother as she seeks to protect her granddaughter. Another must read.

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn - another WWII novel (yes, I love historical fiction, although this one is actually based on real events with a few real life characters thrown in). I have read 2 of Kate’s other books, “The Alice Network” and “The Huntress” both of which I highly recommend. These books are extremely well written, the words come easily to life and the characters are engaging. In all honesty, one of the reasons I liked this books and Kate’s other books is because she presents strong female characters. During the World Wars, it can be easy to forget the sacrifices and roles that women played. And when I say the roles women played, I mean many of them turned the course of the wars through their intelligence, critical thinking, ability to analyse and just get shit done without whinging. If you haven’t gathered my stance on this book; let me spell it out. It too is a must read.

Teach Your Own: The John Holt Book of Home Schooling by John Holt & Pat Farenga - John Holt was a man well beyond his time (1923-1985). In fact, I would even go so far as to say he is above our time write now. John Holt wrote most of his books (which have sold in the millions) in the 1960s - 1980s. He saw the detrimental effect the school system has on children, and put forth arguments, research and stories from parents to show that you don’t need a degree to teach, and the best “teachers” can be a child’s own parents. The only thing I didn’t like about this book is that it is centered around America, however, many of the points can easily be transferred to other countries. Here is a quote which summarises most of the argument in this book “What is important and valuable about the home as a base for children’s growth into the world is not that it is a better school than schools but that it isn’t a school at all. It is not an artificial place, set up to make ‘learning’ happen and in which nothing except ‘learning’ ever happens. [The home] is a natural, organic, central, fundamental human institution, one might easily and rightly say the foundation of all other institutions.” I have at least 100 reasons NOT to send my own children to school, I haven’t found a single reason why I should. John Holt is known as the father of ‘unschooling’ and for very good reason. His passion, commitment and dedication to children and learning seeps through every word he has every written.

JUNE & JULY

Due to our move in June, and family visiting in July, I didn’t read as much as I usually do. So I’ve combined both months.

Our Wild Calling: How Connecting With Animals Can Transform Our Lives - and Save Theirs by Richard Louv - I actually started this book back in April, but found some parts of it a bit of a drudgery to get through. The main premise, research and information that went into this book was well worth the times I felt like putting it down. From hearing accounts of the many people over the world who have experienced something profound, something beyond themselves with their unplanned encounters with various wild animals is something I’ve experienced myself. Focusing on the power only animals seems to have on mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing, this book seeks to explain the human-animal relationship and how it can transform our lives. Overall, I would definitely recommend this book, however, I found the writing style less than desirable.

Fully Human: A New Way of Using Your Mind by Steve Biddulph - I’m constantly drawn to books that explore our mind, brain and emotions. This book delves into all these things in a very easy-to-read and concise manner. Steve talks about our “supersense,” where therapy meets neuroscience. Using our supersense, trusting our “gut” and recognising our feelings beneath our feelings, means we can live happier and more connected lives. This is a book I would recommend to everyone, whether you are interested in neuroscience or not. We all have feelings, intuition and trauma in one form or another, and this book can greatly understand the science behind, as well as offering practical tips.

You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing & Why It Matters by Kate Murphy - ok, so I loved this book, and think that everyone needs to get their hands on it and read it ASAP. As a natural born listener, I could definitely relate to all of the research, studies and personal accounts in this book. This book also challenges those of us, who think we are good listeners, by saying, in actual fact we may not be as crash hot as we think. There is a tone of practical tips and techniques. I highly recommend this book, it’s now on my favourite list, and I went crazy with the pencil as I underlined all the things I want to remember.

Small Acts of Defiance by Michelle Wright - my current favourite genre, WWII historical fiction (although based on real events, people and circumstances). This book features a young Australian girl who travels for the first time to France, with her French mother at the beginning of WWII. She is naive, but at the same time courageous in her effects to make a difference, and hit back against tyranny, both by the Germans and the French government. It’s about trusting your intuition, knowing what is right, even when authority tells you otherwise, and having the courage to stand your ground. “I learned a long time ago that giving up never solves anything…Giving up means the absence of hope. And if we don’t hold on to hope, we become complicit, we enable them…Their soldiers can occupy our city and our country, but only we can decide if we’ll let them occupy our minds.” (page 140).

The German Midwife by Mandy Robotham - normally I spread out my novels, but I was in the mood to read another WWII story. This one (as with the one listed above), I read in less than a day, so you know it’s gotta be good. Like Small Acts of Defiance, this book is also very much about knowing what is right, even if the majority say something else. It’s about trusting yourself, your morals, courage, resilience, perseverance, critical thinking and determination. The main character in this book is German, and because she disagreed with the government, she was forced into a camp, wearing a red star, where she bravely helped pregnant women no matter their race, religion or political position. A beautiful, heartbreaking, eye-opening novel that really does need to be read by all, so that history does not repeat itself.

AUGUST

Fathoms: the world in the whale by Rebecca Gibbs - for as long as I can remember my favourite animals have always been whales and dolphins. So, when I saw this book, written by an Australian author, all about whales, of course I had to read it. I liked how the author told of her own encounters with whales - both alive and dead, as well as detailed the research behind all aspects of whales, from why humans are so intrigued by them, to how different cultures view whales and how their presences is needed on our planet. The author has a very poetic way of presenting her stories and ideas. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in knowing more about whales, their history and their place in in this world.

Biohack Your Brain: how to boost cognitive health, performance and power by Kristen Willeumier - it’s no secret that I love reading about the brain and neuroscience (part of the reason why I went and got myself a degree in psychology). I loved this book. It was so easy to read and understand, especially for those who want to know more about the brain, but don’t necessarily like all the anatomical terms and medical jargon. Kristen has a detailed, yet simple approach on how anyone can improve their brain and cognitive function. She has worked with many different types of brain injuries and disorders. Her approach is holistic and involves sleep, diet, exercise and she gives options for each depending on your personal situation and finances. A book I would highly recommend for everyone to read.

The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams - after reading this book, I can see why it has received so many awards, accolades and positive feedback. This novel is historical fiction, however, it has real people, real events and a story based on real life in the early 1900s, England. I loved the way the story was told, the strong imagery, and the characters were very likeable. This novel hits all the feels, with heartbreak, sadness, grief, joy, perseverance, determination, loyalty, friendship, family. If you’re a lover of historical fiction, or even if you’re not, this book is definitely one to add to your book list.

Furiously Happy: a funny book about horrible things by Jenny Lawson - my Mum randomly gifted me this book a couple of weeks ago (thanks Mum!). I felt like a light, funny read to end this month. There are definitely parts of this book that are hilarious. However, there were also parts I found were a bit “rambly” (yes, I know that’s not a word, but new words are invented all the time right?). I found myself skim reading these sections of the book. I mean other people might have found them funny. But my sense of humour is more geared towards, straight to the point wittiness, and I’ll never turn away a good pun (which thankfully were present in this book). So when things were taking too long to get to the punchline, I didn’t find the story as engaging. I did like how the author doesn’t take life seriously, and uses humour to address different mental illnesses. It’s one of those books where you have to read it to determine whether it suits you or not. As a side note, my younger son was thrilled when I finished reading it because he found the racoon on the cover terrifying.

SPRING (September to December)

Life and my business got quite busy after August, so while I did keep reading books, I didn’t keep up to date with reviewing them. I have decided to place all books read from September to now into one big list, which will also wrap up my book reviews for 2021.

Love, in Theory by Elodie Cheesman – so I will admit, one of the novel types I like reading, is light, quirky and romantic. I know many people call these types of books their “guilty pleasure,” but I feel no guilt whatsoever reading sappy novels, because they make me smile – and no one should be made to feel guilty for smiling. So, back this this novel. I enjoyed the angle of trying to make love into some mathematical equation, and the journey of the main character. Love is something that cannot be defined, a lesson the main character eventually learns. If you are after a light, easy and relaxing read, then this is a book I would recommend.

The Secret Messenger by Mandy Robotham – this is the second book by Mandy I have read this year (she also wrote The German Midwife, and my review can be found under June & July above). If you’ve followed along this far, it’s no secret that I love WWII historical novels. I love the resistance, the defiance, the courage, and the connection I feel to my own grandfather who fought in WWII. Like her first book, this is a book I would highly recommend for anyone liking this era historical fiction. This book flicks back and forth between 2 story lines which are interconnected through family and a typewriter. I loved the flow and the steady suspense throughout the novel, and I easily read it in a few hours.

Unschooled: Raising Curious, Well-Educated Children Outside the Conventional Classroom by Kerry McDonald – this book has been on my reading list since it was released 2 years ago. I finally managed to get myself a copy, and I dove right in. There were many things I already knew, based on other books and articles I have read in the past. However, it was nice to have it all in one place. This book is packed full of research and studies about why the education system is failing out children, and why an unschooling approach can lead not only our kids, but us as parents back to a love of learning. I highly recommend this book to any parent who is even remotely interested in unschooling, as well as teachers who are feeling disillusioned at the education system.

The Happiest Man on Earth by Eddie Jaku – this is another book my beautiful Mum sent me in the mail. The messages in this book are so powerful. The last 2 years have been hard on most people. Our emotional and mental wellbeing has been thrown around like a rag doll, our financial security has been pulled from under us, the constant threat and fear that seems to be everywhere we look is like an ever-present storm cloud. In these times, it is important to remember, that while we can’t necessarily change the circumstances going on in the world, we can change our perception and how we choose to feel. Even in the darkest places there is light and hope. If you are needing reminding of that, then this book may be calling your name.

The Weed Forager’s Handbook: A Guide to Edible and Medicinal Weeds in Australia by Adam Grubb & Annie Raser-Rowland – I love “weeds”, I’ve never actually understood why people don’t, and why they are sprayed. To me, I’ve always seen weeds as having an important role in the ecosystem – they show you where imbalances are, and then they go about fixing them. Many “weeds” also have powerful medicinal qualities. One of the more common weeds, the dandelion has many benefits for the body, and assists with many different medical conditions. This book is focused on Australian weeds, and my own kids and I have loved identifying the weeds we see on our own property. This is a book I highly recommend everyone have in their possession.

I also highly recommend the children’s version of this book called Let’s Eat Weeds!

Wild by Kristin Hannah – I have read several books by Kristin in the past, and felt drawn to reading this one. Kristin is not shy about putting the hard emotions and life situations into a beautiful and compelling novel. This book really pulls at all your heart strings. There is loss, grief, tragedy, trauma, and there is also love, compassion, kindness and joy. To experience all of humanity, we need to embrace all of the emotions, working through and releasing each feeling as it arises. This is a novel I would read again; the characters are rich, the storyline is well-developed and it hits you in all the feels.

The Traitor by V. S. Alexander – another WWII historical fiction novel, and the last one I will be reviewing for 2021. The thing I loved about this book, is that it is set in Germany, and explores the German resistance to Hitler and the Nazis. It is based on true events and real people – specifically the White Rose, as led by real life sibling Hans and Sophie Scholl. Resilience, defiance, courage and the right for freedom, are the central themes in this book. The German perspective is something I loved about this book, as there aren’t many WWII novels written from this point of view. There are many lessons evident throughout this book, and some that need re-iterating, so history does not repeat.

Take Risks by John Marsden – some of you may know John Marsden for the Tomorrow When the War Began series. I read these books during my childhood, and after hearing about John’s newly released book which details his own experience in the Australian education system, I pushed this book up my reading list. There are definitely some insightful points and discussions in this book. However, there were entire chapters that I thought would be best left out of this book, as I didn’t feel they were entirely relevant to main messages in this book. This is probably a book I wouldn’t recommend unless you are a fan of John Marsden or you would like to know more about the alternative schools he created in Victoria, Australia.

Love Stories by Trent Dalton – I began Spring with a novel about love, and I will end with real-life stories about love. This book is unique, and I love how Trent not only came up with this idea in the middle of a pandemic, but also how he initiated it – by setting up a small table in Brisbane and collecting love stories from passers-by. Love is universal, and at the same time, means something different to each and every one of us. This book is a heart-warming hug wrapped in a pink and gold cover. In a world currently consumed by fear perpetuated by the media on every channel, website and newspaper, this book serves as a reality check that love, compassion, kindness and joy are everywhere we go. You can choose to see and live in fear, or you can choose to see and live in love. No matter what is happening in the world, you always have that choice.

That concludes my Book Reviews for 2021 – 37 books.

If you chose to read any of these books, I’d love to hear your thoughts and feelings in the comments below.

If you have any book recommendations for 2022 feel free to leave a comment, so myself and others can add it to our reading lists.

Much gratitude,

Steph xx

Aware Parenting & Homeschooling

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having my second conversation on my dear friend and mentor, Marion Rose’s Podcast.

We chatted about Aware Parenting, Homeschooling, High Sensitivity as children and parents, and so much more.

To hear this conversation, please CLICK HERE.

Feel free to leave your thoughts and feelings in the comments below afterwards.

Much Gratitude,

Steph

What is a Mama Circle?

A Brief History of Women Circles

Women circles have been happening since the beginning of time. If you look at Hunter Gather communities, they gather to cook and eat, to share stories and impart wisdom to the younger generations. This strong sense of connection and belonging kept everyone safe. Women would come together, collaborate and share their knowledge and experience, ranging from raising children, caring for the ill and all the daily activities that occurred in their lives. The circles from centuries ago also involved spirituality, religion and following the flows of nature, for example moon cycles.

All of this came to an abrupt end when patriarchal social systems allowed males to dominate the paradigm. Women were seen as inferior and the “witch” hunts began as men sort to gain more control over the lives of women and children.

Thankfully, since the Suffragette movements throughout the 20th Century, women have been regaining their power in society. There is still a long way to come, but we are getting there.

There are still challenges we face as Mamas that are still evident in society. Our roles as Mothers are often demeaned by our culture and society. We are told we should go back to work at a certain time, but then labeled as selfish for not caring for our children. Or we are told to stay at home, but then we become “Just” a Stay-at-home Mum. Society says we should be able to do it all, but at the same time says we can’t. With all this misinformation, judgment and suppressive history is it any wonder that as Mamas, we feel we can’t do anything right?

Mamas Sacred Circle™

Mama Circles are basically Women Circles but especially for Mamas. The idea of creating Mama Circles came to me over 4 years ago when I was still running my Family Day Care in Canberra. Many Mamas were talking to me about how exhausting and stressful it is to be a Mama (on top of everything else they needed to do) and how they never had time to do things for themselves. They also shared that they felt like others did not understand what they were going through. Many of them had tried Mothers Groups but found them very “cliquey” and judgmental – this is also something I experienced firsthand after my eldest child was born.

I began to see and realise how much Mamas were struggling and how much they wanted to connect in a safe and supportive environment. This is when I came up with the concept to run Women Circles for Mamas. So, Mamas Sacred Circle™ was born. I thought, if I can help facilitate a safe, nurturing, accepting and supportive environment where each Mama would have the opportunity to share, without being talked over, and really listened to on a deep empathetic level, then this may help Mums to feel understood and less alone.

Loneliness is one of the biggest epidemics in the world today (especially given the current situation of 2020). Loneliness leads to an increase in stress hormones, this can foster feelings of overwhelm, depression, anxiety, powerlessness, exhaustion and frustration. Our immune systems take a dive, and we get stuck in a perpetual cycle of stress, as we try our best to do it all, but feel like it is never enough.

For me, Mamas Sacred Circle™ is an answer to these needs and feelings because it allows Mamas to come together in unity, harmony and with a strong sense of community. The outcome of these Circles – well my hope anyway – is for Mamas to walk away feeling nurtured, loved, accepted, supported and empowered. If our cups are empty (of love, nurture, acceptance, etc) then we can’t give these things to our families and children. To fill our cups up, we can gather in Circle and hold space for all the other Mamas in that Circle. Being listened to on a deep empathetic level is one of the most healing experiences when big feelings are running your life. Stress is released from the body. Listening is one of the main skills Counsellors use, and while these Circles aren’t counselling sessions, they do offer some of the same benefits. They allow you to be heard, understood, accepted and respected. No advice is given, (unless permission is given by the speaker), every Mama has the opportunity to share what is going on for them and each Mama receives love, empathy and understanding.

Building a strong community of Mamas, who gather in Circle (online or in-person) can have profound healing effects in all areas of life.

Would you like to help me build this strong, loving and nurturing community?

Join my Online Mamas Circles to get a taste for what I am talking about, share with your Mama friends, follow me on Instagram and Facebook, and subscribe to my Newsletter to stay up-to-date on all Mamas related topics and offers.

Love & Gratitude,

Steph

Sibling Introductions - Love and Rivalry

One of the things I was concerned about when I was pregnant with my second child; was how my first child was going to react to his new siblings’ arrival. There is so much literature out there on sibling rivalry and how to ensure your siblings get along. To be honest I have read maybe five pages on the topic. Why? Well firstly I am a sibling myself – the eldest of three to be exact. So I do know what it is like. Plus one of the areas of personal growth I have experienced since becoming a Mum, is to simply go with the flow, trust myself and take things moment-by-moment.

Like I mentioned above I am the eldest of three children. My sister is two years younger than me. I don’t remember my Mum being pregnant, bringing home my sister or anything really until I was 3 years old and my sister was one. From that point I have an abundance of memories. My brother then came along a couple of weeks after I started kindergarten.  I was 5, and so I do have the memories of my Mum being pregnant, feeling and listening to my baby sibling moving in her tummy, meeting my brother for the first time in hospital and helping to look after him. It is because of these two very different memories – or rather lack of memories when my sister was born – that I personally chose to have a bigger age gap than two years between my 2 children.

 My kids are exactly 3.5 years apart in age. When I got pregnant I was busy running my own Family Day Care. So I got a lot of questions not only from my son, but also from all the other toddlers in my care. I found it a beautiful experience to share this with them, and they loved feeling my belly and asking “is the baby coming out yet?” As my son was 3, he was able to grasp in his own way that there was a baby growing in my tummy and when the baby was big enough it would come out. We would talk about what the baby would look like, what it would do and how excited my son was that he would have someone to play with.

 To help prepare for their first introduction in hospital, I got my son to pick out a present for his new brother. I also got my older son a present that would be from the baby. When the day came I got my Mum to bring my son in and we hugged and spent time with him. When he was ready we introduced him to his new baby brother and they exchanged gifts. I thought it was very important for their initial meeting to have a give and receive exchange, and my son loved that experience. He asked a lot of questions about why the baby was now out and where he was going to go when we got home.

 Once we did get home, my son was still trying to understand that he was no longer the only kid on the block in our house. There were times in the first few weeks where he would say things like “throw him in the bin,” “take him back to the hospital,” and “put him back in your tummy.” Throughout all these outbursts I remained empathetic and understanding of his feelings. I believe this helped greatly in curbing any jealousy because now 3 months later these two precious little boys love each other. As soon as the baby sees his older brother his face lights up, and his older brother loves interacting with him. It is also lovely to see that the way we treat my older son is shining through in the way he treats his brother. When little brother is upset, big brother will come running and gently stroke his face and say “your safe, I’m here.” It is so beautiful to watch and really melts my heart. I also feel so happy that when my older son does have a tantrum he never takes it out on his little brother. I don’t know if that will continue in the future, but I have hope and faith, as though they are both off to such a loving start in their brotherly relationship.

Some Sibling-Love Tips

Prepare Your Child/ren For the New Arrival

No matter how young your other child/ren are I would recommend preparing them for the arrival of their new sibling. This allows them to feel respected, part of the process and gives them some feelings of control over this change in their lives. Some ways you can do this is by answering their questions with age-appropriate responses; telling them stories; role-playing with teddies or dolls; sharing your own experiences if you have siblings.

Special Time

Especially once the new baby has arrived, it is important to put aside time for just you and your other child. This will help to fill up their cup of connection with you, and there is less chance of sibling rivalry. What works for me and my son is once a day we will have special play time. I give my baby to a family member (most often my husband) to look after. I then set an alarm on my phone – this helps to avoid arguments and tantrums when it is time to move onto other things that need to be done. I always choose child-directed play. I feel this helps my son overcome any feelings of powerlessness he may be feeling about his new brother, or any other aspect of his life. Currently his favourite game is to pretend his bed is a boat that we sit on, he then asks me to choose a button (pretend) to push which makes us go faster or slower. These play sessions we set aside are so full of joy, presence and love that we both feel fulfilled when the alarm goes off. The amount of time changes day-by-day too depending on our other commitments. Sometimes I set the alarm for 10 minutes, other times 30 minutes. It doesn’t really matter to my son because children live in the present moment, and he knows that when that alarm goes off that special one-on-one playtime is over until the next day.

Laughter

For years professionals have said “laughter is the best medicine” and that holds true for parenting as well. Laughter releases fear and pent up emotions from the body. One thing I will mention before continuing though is that this laughter must be initiated by the person/child, not forced on them through things such as tickling. While tickling generally makes most people laugh it is involuntary and if you pay attention to their body language over the laughing, you will realise that most people actually go rigid and attempt to push you away. This is because it has a tendency to make us feel powerless, most people don’t like being tickled, the laughing response is involuntary and the tickler believes the child like it. When, in fact, most of the time people don’t like being tickled.

The laughter I’m describing generally comes about through being goofy. You can play games with your children around their feelings of fear and anxiety about their new sibling. For example you and your partner can playfully pretend to fight over who gets to play with your child. This game can elicit lots of laughter form your child and help him to overcome feelings of jealousy.

Empathy & Compassion

I am a big advocate in these two values, especially when it comes to parenting. I find that my son moves on quicker from his feelings of jealousy, powerlessness and frustration surrounding his baby brother when I offer empathy and compassion for his feelings. For example when he said “put him in the bin.” Instead of saying how horrible he was for saying that, I empathised with him. “You must be feeling really upset to want your brother to be thrown in the bin.” “I hear how you want it to be just us again.” “Are you worried he is going to play with all your toys?” This helps my son feel understood, respected and validated. I believe it is these empathic responses that have helped him form such a loving relationship with his brother so quickly.

What were your techniques for introducing your new baby to your other child/ren? I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.

How I Discovered Aware Parenting

Before I even planned on having kids, I always had this vision of how I would parent. There is a little known fact that every new generation of parents evolve from the way they were raised. Why? Simply because there were parts from all of our childhoods that we knew we didn’t like and therefore we decided to do things differently when it was our turn to have children. For me, I knew that I wouldn’t use punishments, spanking or timeouts with my children.

When I did become pregnant with my first child, I still had in my head the way I wanted to raise him. I had no idea if there was even a way of parenting out there that met my needs as a soon-to-be parent. Little did I know at the time that my desire to parent a certain way would land on my lap and send me on a journey that would shape myself as a Mum, entrepreneur and human being.

 In my 8th month of pregnancy with my first child I was reading the Appendix section at the back of my Calmbirth book when I came across an essay written by Marion Rose (now my Mentor and dear Friend) about something called Aware Parenting, which is a parenting philosophy by Developmental Psychologist Aletha Solter PhD. As I sat there all bulgy and pregnant, my mouth got wider and wider in complete shock, delight and excitement as I soaked in those 5 pages of words. I thought to myself “Oh my goodness, can this really be? There is a parenting philosophy out there that 100% fit my desires as a parent. Plus so much more?” The answer was yes. I got up as quickly as an 8-month pregnant woman could and hobbled into the kitchen to share my exciting discovery with my husband. I read to him the entire article out loud. At the end I asked him what he thought. He said that it resonated with him before I’d even finished the first paragraph! That’s pretty powerful stuff.

The next thing I did was jump on the Book Depository website and ordered every single one of Aletha’s books on Aware Parenting (there were 4 at the time, there are now 5). Unfortunately the books didn’t arrive before my son was born, but once they arrived I devoured each page of those four books as quickly as I could. Thankfully, it didn’t take long because the time spent sitting up at night feeding my newborn gave me the opportunity to read the books that changed my life.

I became so passionate about Aware Parenting and sort other parents out in my community and abroad who were following this approach. I then connected with Marion (who I mentioned above). I have done several of the amazing online courses she has to offer. I lived and breathed Aware Parenting, all with the support from my husband – which let me tell you, when you are on the same page about parenting as your spouse if freaking amazing. Our family didn’t really understand this different kind of parenting. Some of them probably thought the whole thing was completely ludicrous. However, there were a couple of family members that went to the effort to understand and even practice Aware Parenting with my kids, for which I am truly grateful.

As my journey into Aware Parenting deepened, I realised it was more a way of life than just a way to parent. It sparked in me a deep passion and altered my career course to specialise in parenting and children. It was very early on that I decided I was going to become a Certified Aware Parenting Instructor. I achieved this almost 4 years ago; 3 years after I commenced my Aware Parenting journey.

So what is this Aware Parenting you ask? If you’ve read my previous blog posts they will give you some inkling as to the philosophy. Aware Parenting is about honouring a child for who they are, seeing them for who they are instead of their behaviour. It is a way of life encompassing compassion, empathy, cooperation, connection and understanding. There are three main components as outlined by Aletha as the core of what Aware Parenting is. These are:

• Attachment-style parenting

  • Natural childbirth and early bonding

  • Plenty of physical contact

  • Prolonged breast-feeding

  • Prompt responsiveness to crying

  • Sensitive attunement

• Non-punitive discipline

  • No punishments of any kind (including spanking, "time-out", and artificial "consequences")

  • No rewards or bribes

  • A search for underlying needs and feelings

  • Anger management for parents

  • Peaceful conflict-resolution (family meetings, mediation, etc.)

• Healing from stress and trauma

  • Recognition of stress and trauma (including unmet needs) as primary causes of behavioral and emotional problems

  • Emphasis on prevention of stress and trauma

  • Recognition of the healing effects of play, laughter, and crying in the context of a loving parent/child relationship

  • Respectful, empathic listening and acceptance of children's emotions

(Copyright © 1994 by Aletha Solter “copied with permission from the Aware Parenting Institute website” http://www.awareparenting.com/aspects.html)

All of these principles are based on scientific and psychological research into the development of a human baby and child. When you read that tears and tantrums are healing, I wonder how that makes you feel? Before I came across Aware Parenting, I thought these were things that needed to be stopped. However, after reading the scientific research it makes complete sense for me personally. Biochemist William Fey discovered that when we cry to release emotions such as sadness, powerlessness, frustration and anger we are releasing stress hormones from our body. This is a crucial step in allowing our body to regain equilibrium.

Aware Parenting is following what works for you, tuning in to your own feelings around all aspects of your life and going with what resonates with you. As with everything in life, take what you like and leave the rest when you close this window.

I have lived, breathed and parented Aware Parenting for 7 years, and I can say with absolute certainty that the times I have stumbled (whether from exhaustion or stress) and defaulted to the way I was raised (punishment, timeouts, etc), my children have not responded well. When I use Aware Parenting by connecting before correcting, using play for challenging behaviours and holding space for big feelings, everyone feels happier and more connected.