What is a Mama Circle?

A Brief History of Women Circles

Women circles have been happening since the beginning of time. If you look at Hunter Gather communities, they gather to cook and eat, to share stories and impart wisdom to the younger generations. This strong sense of connection and belonging kept everyone safe. Women would come together, collaborate and share their knowledge and experience, ranging from raising children, caring for the ill and all the daily activities that occurred in their lives. The circles from centuries ago also involved spirituality, religion and following the flows of nature, for example moon cycles.

All of this came to an abrupt end when patriarchal social systems allowed males to dominate the paradigm. Women were seen as inferior and the “witch” hunts began as men sort to gain more control over the lives of women and children.

Thankfully, since the Suffragette movements throughout the 20th Century, women have been regaining their power in society. There is still a long way to come, but we are getting there.

There are still challenges we face as Mamas that are still evident in society. Our roles as Mothers are often demeaned by our culture and society. We are told we should go back to work at a certain time, but then labeled as selfish for not caring for our children. Or we are told to stay at home, but then we become “Just” a Stay-at-home Mum. Society says we should be able to do it all, but at the same time says we can’t. With all this misinformation, judgment and suppressive history is it any wonder that as Mamas, we feel we can’t do anything right?

Mamas Sacred Circle™

Mama Circles are basically Women Circles but especially for Mamas. The idea of creating Mama Circles came to me over 4 years ago when I was still running my Family Day Care in Canberra. Many Mamas were talking to me about how exhausting and stressful it is to be a Mama (on top of everything else they needed to do) and how they never had time to do things for themselves. They also shared that they felt like others did not understand what they were going through. Many of them had tried Mothers Groups but found them very “cliquey” and judgmental – this is also something I experienced firsthand after my eldest child was born.

I began to see and realise how much Mamas were struggling and how much they wanted to connect in a safe and supportive environment. This is when I came up with the concept to run Women Circles for Mamas. So, Mamas Sacred Circle™ was born. I thought, if I can help facilitate a safe, nurturing, accepting and supportive environment where each Mama would have the opportunity to share, without being talked over, and really listened to on a deep empathetic level, then this may help Mums to feel understood and less alone.

Loneliness is one of the biggest epidemics in the world today (especially given the current situation of 2020). Loneliness leads to an increase in stress hormones, this can foster feelings of overwhelm, depression, anxiety, powerlessness, exhaustion and frustration. Our immune systems take a dive, and we get stuck in a perpetual cycle of stress, as we try our best to do it all, but feel like it is never enough.

For me, Mamas Sacred Circle™ is an answer to these needs and feelings because it allows Mamas to come together in unity, harmony and with a strong sense of community. The outcome of these Circles – well my hope anyway – is for Mamas to walk away feeling nurtured, loved, accepted, supported and empowered. If our cups are empty (of love, nurture, acceptance, etc) then we can’t give these things to our families and children. To fill our cups up, we can gather in Circle and hold space for all the other Mamas in that Circle. Being listened to on a deep empathetic level is one of the most healing experiences when big feelings are running your life. Stress is released from the body. Listening is one of the main skills Counsellors use, and while these Circles aren’t counselling sessions, they do offer some of the same benefits. They allow you to be heard, understood, accepted and respected. No advice is given, (unless permission is given by the speaker), every Mama has the opportunity to share what is going on for them and each Mama receives love, empathy and understanding.

Building a strong community of Mamas, who gather in Circle (online or in-person) can have profound healing effects in all areas of life.

Would you like to help me build this strong, loving and nurturing community?

Join my Online Mamas Circles to get a taste for what I am talking about, share with your Mama friends, follow me on Instagram and Facebook, and subscribe to my Newsletter to stay up-to-date on all Mamas related topics and offers.

Love & Gratitude,

Steph

Being a Mum is a Spiritual Practice

I have always considered myself a spiritual person. I would say that a lot of this has to do with my Mum also being a spiritual person. I remember growing up, there were occasions she would talk to clairvoyants, and she always spoke of her “feelings” and “gut” when it came to houses. So naturally, when I moved out of home I consulted her “gut” if the place I was moving into had good energy. It was this influence that allowed me to explore my own spirituality and trust my own intuition. As I entered my 20s I began setting my own spiritual practices and rituals. This often involved meditation, mindfulness, crystals, essential oils and reading many, many books on different types of spirituality. All of this went good-bye, out the door, when I had kids.

I remember feeling frustrated, annoyed and powerless because all I wanted to do was delve further into my spiritual practice. My kids had other ideas. I became resentful that I could never get a spare moment to sit and meditate, or look through my crystals without little prying hands grabbing the little gems. I would even go so far as to say, I was filled with anger at not having anytime to myself at all. My idea of being the perfect Zen Mama to my kids flew out the door, and in came the Angry Overtired Mama. Let me tell you this was definitely not a pretty sight.

Before having kids I swore to myself that I would use gentle and positive parenting. I would be full of compassion, empathy and understanding. Boy was that an epic fail. Don’t get me wrong I definitely have my moments of being Zen Mama, and also playful with my kids. But Angry Mama shows up too. Something I never wanted to enter my home or family, let allow come out of my mouth. It has taken me several years to work through and realise there are solutions and ways to calm my Angry Mama and allow my Zen Mama to shine.

For ages, I felt resentful that I couldn’t continue my spiritual practice the same way I did before having kids. Then one day I had a revelation; something that allowed me to realign my values and desires as a parent. This was huge in shifting my entire way of being as a person and a Mum. What’s my secret? Well to be honest it’s not really a secret there are probably countless mamas out there that have already realised this. Here it is: Being a Mum IS My Spiritual Practice.

Yes! That is it. I thought to myself why do I have to sit down to be spiritual? Why do I have to practice spirituality a certain way? The answer is I don’t. This is my spiritual journey and I can walk it however I want. Realising this felt like a massive weight had lifted off my shoulders. I no longer felt guilty that my spiritual life was failing. I no longer felt guilty about feeling resentful at my kids. Instead I realised that, yet again they had presented me with a beautiful gift. The gift to grow not just as a parent, but also a person as well.

So how do I make being a Mum my spiritual practice? Well now when I interact with my kids I give them my full awareness. I parent consciously. I chose my words before I allow them to escape my mouth. I use compassion and empathy when they are in an emotional crisis. I use patience when their big feelings are coming out as tantrums and acting out behaviour. I use my calmness to counteract their angry and frustration. All of these small little things have allowed me to grow and live in my Zen Mama state. Most of the time anyway. If I am honest (which I always like to be), my Angry Mama does rear its head sometimes. When this happens it is usually because I am feeling tired, frustrated that my kids won’t listen, powerless to help them or sometimes I even allow myself to get dragged into their emotions. When this happens, well let’s just say when anger meets anger, nothing good comes from it.

I do however; have things I do to get me out of that suffocating haze of anger. Firstly, I breathe. Have you ever noticed when you feel really angry and there is imaginary steam coming out of your ears or nostrils you aren’t breathing properly? This is something I noticed when I had my Angry Mama hat on. So, to counteract that, I slow my breathing. Sometimes I even leave the room, to re-evaluate my options. Will I continue being this angry, rage filled person or will I take a step back and step into my Zen Mama and approach the situation with compassion and empathy? Taking a step back (and/or away) really has a profound way of offering a new perspective to those tricky situations. It also allows you time to process your own emotions without getting swept up into your kiddie’s emotions.

Secondly, I talk about it. Either with my husband (who completely understands my frustration), another family member, or a trusted friend. All these people offer me empathy, so I can get my feelings off my chest. This allows a sense of freedom and relief, which means there is now more room to give more empathy and compassion to my kids. Having someone to talk to, who will truly listen and not judge is so good for the soul and something everyone thrives on. In turn, I can give this same listening to my kids, and it’s also a spiritual practice at the same time.

Thirdly, I take a squiz at how empty my cup is. By this I mean my cup of love, joy, compassion, empathy, laughter. When my cup is running dry, there is no way in the entire world I can give those things to my kids. How can I give them something I don’t have, right? It is so important as parents, and pretty much everyone else on the planet, that our cups aren’t just full but overflowing. A full cup feeds our needs and an overflowing cup fills the needs of our kids and anyone else in our life. Everyone has different things that fill up their cups. For example mine are chatting with trusted friends, reading, writing, going for a walk in nature, going to the beach, getting a massage, having a relaxing bath and quite recently boxing with my husband. So the question that you need to ask yourself is, what do you enjoy doing? What leaves you feeling full of joy and happiness? What things allow you to be the best version of yourself? All those things fill up your cup.

You know when you go on a flight and the flight attendant says to put on your own oxygen mask before others, even your kids? It’s a cliché, but oh so true. Well the same can be said for pretty much everything. We need to fill up our own cups, and meet our own needs before we focus on filling up anyone else’s. Trust me this is not selfish, we can’t look after anyone if we are almost dead from exhaustion. It doesn’t take much either. Five minutes walking barefoot in your backyard can help realign and reconnect you with yourself and your kids.

So if you are a Mama who really wants to continue with her spiritual practice and doesn’t have the time, feels tired and plain old frustrated, incorporating your spiritual practice into parenting can meet both needs at once. Plus there is the added bonus of increasing your connection with your child. Who can say no to that!

Remember to breathe through the challenges and upsets.

Find a listening partner who will offer empathy so you can offload your emotions or join our online Mamas Sacred Circle™ Community by signing up to our Newsletter or finding us on social media.

Do you have a list of things you like doing that fill your cup? Write them down so you can refer to it in times of crisis when you feel your cup running dry.

Love and Gratitude xx