"I Don't Like The Word Learning."

A few weeks ago my 10 year old declared "I don't like the word learning."

"What's a word you would prefer to use instead?"

He sat for a moment in contemplation.

"Discover.

I would use the word discover instead of learning or education. To discover something is exciting, and something you choose, not something you are told you have to do."

This is the kind of magic that happens when you trust your child, when you give them space to express themselves authentically, and when you give yourself permission to live a life of endless possibilities.

Let's look at some definitions (Cambridge dictionary):

• Education - the process of teaching or learning, especially in a school or college, or the knowledge that you get from this

• Learning - knowledge or skill acquired by instruction or study

• Discovery - the process of finding information, a place, or and object, especially for the first time

If you look at the first 2 definitions, they have something in common: that some form of external factor is involved.

Learning is something that does occur naturally, however, it is so entrenched in outcomes thanks to the education system, that the process doesn't seem to matter anymore, as long as the results are there. Numerous studies have proven that memorising and regurgitating facts (i.e. rote learning) has no determination on what the student learns. Children are merely demonstrating their memory recall skills (don't believe me, listen to episode 53 and 35 of the podcast)

When I see the word discover, I feel freedom, joy, aliveness, curiosity, and a deep sense of intrinsic interest and motivation.

In a study conducted in the 1960s requested by NASA, researchers discovered that school children lose their natural ability to think creatively the more time they spend within the school system:

• 98% of 5-year-olds tested at the “genius” level

• They tested the same children at 10 years old, the percentage of genius-level imaginative and innovative thinkers fell to 30%.

• At age 15 the genius-level of the same students had dropped to 12%

• Only 2% of adults still retain their ability to think imaginatively, with creativity and innovation

Their conclusion: the education system is responsible for dumbing down humanity.

If this is something that interests you I highly recommend Free to Learn by Dr Peter Gray and Dumbing Us Down by John David Gatto (read more about their books here)

When my son told me he prefers the word DISCOVER, I listened, I reflected and I realised how far we are yet to come as a society.

When we think about it, discover is exactly what we do. Once we discover something, we move on to the next discovery, or we dig deeper to discover more about a particular interest.

Life is fluid, flexible, adaptable, possible.

It is not something that should be rigid, structured, outlined or riddled with outcomes.

To do that, is to deprive ourselves of embodying the very creative beings that we are.

What a cruel disservice are we subjecting our children and ourselves to when we educate and force them to learn what is dictated to them by the education system.

Let's discover life, the way we were born to.

This is permission to live life the way you want to live it.
If you don't like a particular word, don't use it.
If your child wants to create entirely new words, let them.
Just because something is labelled as a 'norm' does not make it right.
Normal is not a reflection of who a person is, or the potential of what they are yet to become, in their own time and in their own way.
I choose to live a life of discovery, authenticity and adventure.
That involves shutting doors, going against the flow, rocking boats and saying 'no' to many societal norms.
It's not a well-trodden path.
But then again the best paths in life are the ones yet to be discovered.

Frustration is a Natural Part of the Learning Process

When we witness frustration in someone else, whether that be child or adult, we often feel the urge to jump in and fix whatever caused those frustrated feelings.

We see the feelings of frustration expressed in behaviour; throwing, hitting, crying, raging, tantrums, screaming.

Frustration can be hard for us to face, both within ourselves and our children. Let’s acknowledge how challenging it can be to see the struggle, the tears, the tantrum that come when a person feels so overwhelmed by the frustration of something not working.

Frustration can be beautiful, empowering and is a natural part of learning.

Every new skill and milestone we set out to achieve naturally comes with frustration.

In our own lives it may appear when we start a new job and feel completely inadequate, of starting a new hobby.

We see it in our children.

I witness frustration every day in children.

My younger son was trying to build something particular with his lego, it just wouldn’t work. He screamed, threw the pieces across the room and called it all “stupid.”

I could have stepped in and built it for him, or done the puzzle for the 3yo, or put the shoes on the 4yo who has done it many times by himself before.

Who’s needs would I be serving though if I did that?

How would each of these children learn to build and solve if someone else did it all for them?

When a child sees an adult doing something for them, they have been struggling with, it can raise feelings of incompetence, worthiness, not good enough.

When we step in to stop the frustration and the tantrum, we are also showing children, through our actions, that we don’t believe they can do something themselves.

Often, we are meeting our own adult needs: not having the capacity to hold space for another tantrum, or maybe when we were children our learning frustrations were never acknowledged and someone stepped in to complete the task for us. Meaning we have an unfinished need, to complete certain things for ourselves.

In those moments of pure frustration, rage and crying, one of the most helpful gifts we can offer our children is to hold that space for them.

“I see you really wanted that lego to go together a certain way and it just wouldn’t work.”

“I can see you working so hard on that puzzle and the pieces just won’t go together.”

“That shoe is having a hard time getting on your foot.”

Time and time again, I observe the power of holding space for the frustration because after those feelings have been released through crying and raging, that child will easily complete the task they originally set out to do. And the best part is the big smile and empowerment they feel within themselves “I did it all by myself!!”

You stand there and share in their joy, in their power, in their success.

Holding space for ALL the feelings can be the most powerful gift you give yourself, others and your children.

Stay tuned for using play as another powerful way to move through frustrations in childhood.